"Anyone who imagines that bliss is normal- is going to waste a lot of time running around shouting that he has been robbed. The fact is that most putts don't drop, most beef is tough, most children grow up to be just people, most successful marriages require a high degree of mutual toleration, and most jobs are more often dull than otherwise. Life is just like an old time rail journey with delays, sidetracks, smoke, dust, cinder, and jolts, interspersed occasionally by beautiful vistas and thrilling bursts of speed. The trick is to thank the Lord for letting you have the ride."---Pres. Gordon B. Hinckley
"The greatest mistake you can make in life is to be continually fearing you will make one." - Elbert Hubbard

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Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Look no further.............

I might have been a singer
Who sailed around the world

A gambler who wins milions
And spent it all on girls

I might have been a poet
Who walked upon the moon

A scientist
Who would tell the world
I discovered something new

I might have loved a king
Been the one to end a war

A criminal
Who drinks champagne
And never
Could be caught

But among your books
Among your clothes
Among the noise
And fuss
I've let it go

I can't stop
And catch my breath
And look no further
For happiness
And I will not
Turn again
Cause my heart
Has found it's home

Everyone
I'll never meet
And the friends
I wont now make
The adventures
That they
Could have been
And the risks
I'll never take

But among your books
Among your clothes
Among your noise
And fuss
I've let it go

I can't stop
And catch my breath
And look no further
For happiness
And I will not
Turn again
Cause my heart
Has found it's home

Dido..."look no further"


I relate to music... to the sound... to the words.......
the words...

I read them to Jerid.. to Makenna... to Mom.... to Lish... to anyone who will listen....
I read them again........

quiz them... do you get it I say? really do you?
Jerid told me memories are personal... they are.
but I am a girl..... I want to share them... discuss them, disect them...... pull them apart into itty bitty pieces and then glue them back together all pretty...
you know, decopauge them.....with buttons and such....

right.

I sit here and giggle now.

Could have been and should have beens and would have beens............................

the past, that fortells the future. The decisions that we made that change it... the turns we took that are part of the path.

There are some things that I am learning that I must let go.
Crazy things that will mean nothing to anyone but me.

I hated sunflowers.
Im sorry I lied.
The black dress was too tight.
I knew it was over.
I didnt want to be there.
I only called you to hurt her.
I wish you had never come.
I hated Ty because I was jealous..
I didnt know you could love us both.
I knew I didnt deserve you.
I was scared.
She made me more than a mom.
My choices were poor.
When I left with him... you werent the only one to cry.
Ive missed you.
Thank you for keeping them. thank you mom.
Im glad you have never held her..
holding me was damage enough.
baggage.
the lines were thin, blurred.
fences crossed.
im sorry I couldnt fix you.
your brain cancer made me face my mortality.
you leaving made me face the truth.
i may never go to Tahoe again.
or eat spaghetti the same.
I am more without you.
I shouldnt miss you.. I should thank you.
i may never.

I am learning to accept the I may never's........... most days I am overwhelmed by the .... omygoodness SHE DIDNT!!!!!!!!!!
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Savanah brushed Shreks teeth this morning.........with MY toothbrush!!!!! I asked her why she didnt use hers.........she said.....
Shrek likes YOURS!
for you Lish...........
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They spilt nuts all over yesterday.......... I was pretty mad........... Austyn started singing... we are the Wonder Pets........ and we are doing T E A M W O R K.............
teamwork mom..................
I wanted to yell.............give me the dang broom.
let me clean it.
but I let them continue...........it was pretty cute.
Today we spent the day...........well doing the same dang thing............
Savanah tried to balance her baby on McCall's head........
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then he got a phonecall.........
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then a little smothering......
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arent sisters great???????????????
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We have a budding artist on our hands................. Austyns photo of McCall....... with his little legs(yeggs)
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Her photo of Yisha and Dan Bennett
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so the road is long and I feel like I am traveling in circles...........I am trying to own it.. to not regret...... I am.
To be thankful even in adversity......
bear with me...
its windy.

2 comments:

Alicia said...

hhhm no words really but I love this... all... of it. even the Pooh bear mug...

Corina Kate said...

This is amazing kell, everything you put your mind to these days turns out wonderful. :) You've sure been through a lot, but you made it through it and in the end, look at what you have :)
I love you and miss you tons!

xoxoxoxo