Luck....

I feel lucky to have him.. I do. I dont know which stars aligned or who was in charge... (ok I do) but you know... I dont know why I deserve him...
Most days.... he keeps me sane... and as I write this at 10:52 pm he is entertaining the girls who are up WAY TOO LATE... and eating the cheese toasts I just made him.

I eat my salad and grumble :)... its ok.. the onions and feta will get him later :)

We struggle him and I... really we do...

and yet, even in struggle... I still am thankful..greatful for him. For his laughter, for his calmness.. for the way he makes me mellow. For his compassion and understanding.. for him. For his acceptance of me when all around us judge... for loving me.. me.. exactly the way I am...


I dont take photos with him anymore.. the last three babies in rapid succession have taken their tole... I wear their scars.. sometimes not so proud.
I use to be pretty..
I use to be skinny...
I use to turn heads.
I am a mom now.. that is gone.
But when I feel the most like that, I still turn his head. He told me today that I looked more beautiful than I had in months...
I think he told me the same thing last week...
How on earth do I deserve him.... let alone how did I find him?

somewhere half way across the desert right?

the kids are screaming now as he tries in vain to watch something on tv...S pulled my tablet off my desk so know he is cleaning something red off the floor ... I swear.. there is no down time here. the crying, the noise.. wow.

i yell.
he calms.
baby... it will be ok... it is ok...........
promise?
it doesnt feel ok....

Austyn just came in and said.. Im sorry I hurt your feelings.. it was a accccc se dent.
right, an accident.

why do they have to be cute when I am angry?

Austyn just said.. hey HEY... lets get out of this place... really NOW.. there are monsters... I need to go.. lets go... its time for bed.. lets go?
She is hilarious... I want to bottle her.

How can she say she is sorry when there are those that need to that dont? How can their world be so pure, so full in color when as adults life is so black and white?

Life is confusing... my gosh.
We all just try to get by, I am so very thankful that I have him by my side...
him and well all of our many children...



We are learning the walk.. the plan.. the dream... we are.... bumps.. yes... detours.. many.. laugh lines... o yeah...

we are trying to be good parents... and good to each other... and it is working :)

I cant tell you that some days I dont wish to be young again.. to chase leaves and to think all is right.. but I will say this....
I am busy making this my own.. I am busy making my family know wrong from right.... and I think we are all busy chasing Cinderella..... (of course she has so much to teach us)

She is one of many... teaching us the lessons that somehow along the way we missed. Thank you Cinderella...

Thank you Jerid.
xox