All i wanted was to be a mom. I remember as a child playing house with my friends and demanding to be the mom. I wanted a billion children... and a house on a hill with a white picket fence. I wanted to sit in a porch swing and sing to my kids. I wanted to make their clothes and make lemonaid. Its all I wanted. I wanted to be like my mom.. to keep a perfect house.. to bake cookies and hide all the worlds inperfections from my children. I wanted them to know nothing bad, nothing evil. I grew up loved, and happy and safe and I wanted the same for my own children.
I am a mom now... and it seems so hard. When I wake in the morning to someone crying I know how the day will be. I live in a constant whirl of laundry..dishes... meals... schedules... carpools.. time-outs and more laundry.. I feel that so much of every day is spent doing the same damn thing. This is what I wanted. I wanted this. I created this. And yet I find myself wondering sometimes where the magic door out is. I feel like I live in a state of working for my family, where I thought we would always work together...
How is it that this is where I am...... how is it that this is so far from where I came from... how is it that 5 little people look up to me to make the decisions, the plans the dreams and yet I can't make mine?
My baby just came in and asked me if she could sing me a princess song because I am her princess...she told me the sun went down... but mommy... where did it go?????????? she sang... her beautiful blue eyes looking into mine. I stopped typing. I stopped worrying...
I guess if I can be a 3 year olds princess then my world isnt that bad... is it?
Thank goodness the sun went down.... and thank God.. that it will all be back tomorrow. I really wouldnt want it any other way.
3 comments:
Kelly, you ARE a writer. When you blog about the things in your heart, you make me feel as though you are describing mine. Hang in there, remember "the sun'll come out tomorrow!"
Hi Kelly. Thanks for this post, and all of your posts. You seem to take the words right out of my mouth so often. I love your blog, thanks for sharing. Hope all is well with your beautiful family.
I've always wondered if you were a writer in a past life.
I only have two kids and can't seem to stay caught up with anything so, my hat is off to you for even trying!
Enjoy the seasons of your life - before you know it the seasons will change.
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